It was December 21, 1997, the darkest day of my life, the day that I had decided with finality that I would not live to see February. I was in the depths of depression and did not have the ability to shake off the despair. I would wait until after the holidays so I wouldn’t ruin the happy holiday memories for my family, then I would drive to a remote place by the Snake River. Someone would find the car, but they wouldn’t easily find me. I didn’t want my family to see me that way… maybe they would never find my remains and that was okay.
Such were my thoughts that cold December morning. I remember lying in bed feeling helpless. It was the Sabbath and I needed to put the finishing touches on my church lesson, but I could not drag myself out of bed. I felt like a 50 pound weight was sitting on my chest. My face was wet with tears and I couldn’t stop crying. I was devoid of hope.
Even though at this point I was angry at God because I felt he was much too busy for me, I cried out, “Heavenly Father, help me!” In that brief moment of divine intervention I realized my healing belonged to me. I could continue to believe in a hopeless “no cure” diagnosis and a life of despair or I could find my joy. I chose joy and began to change my mindset, which greatly improved my outlook on life.
When first diagnosed, my doctor explained how I had a chemical imbalance and I would need to take anti-depressants for the rest of my life. I began searching for alternative ways to balance and heal my brain and body. Over the years I have tried many different things which have given me relief, such as serotonin, L-tryptophan and St. John’s Wart.
Interestingly enough, a major shift occurred when as a high school senior in 2005, my youngest son, Cameron, wrote a report on bipolar where he came across a “miracle cure” in “The Harvard Mental Health Letter,” April 2001. The following is taken from Cam’s report:
“For years doctors have believed that there is no cure for manic depression, however, a new breakthrough has been discovered. David Hardy, a biologist from Canada, custom-blended nutrients for cattle and hog feed. He noticed that pigs, like humans suffer from central nervous system disorders. He and a friend, Anthony Stephan, in an effort to keep Stephan’s bipolar son out of the hospital, tried hog feed on Stephan’s son Joseph. Since then they have formulated a special blend of vitamins, minerals, and amino acids for bipolar patients, and claim dramatic results with this miracle cure. This gives hope to those who have suffered from manic depression illness and a dream of living a normal life.”
Could a “miracle cure” really be something as simple as nutrients? I tried EM Power Plus with great results. Other family members tried it with the same great results! I believe this product was instrumental in assisting my brain and body to balance and heal.
On different occasions I have shared my journey of healing. Often times I hear comments like, “this is my lot in life, I am supposed to suffer, and there is no cure for what I am going through…” the list goes on and on. It seems that some people are so certain that they are not meant to heal that they are unable to hear anything that might give them hope. Hearing comments like these makes me sad, because whatsoever one believes is their truth and they must live by their truth.
In the depths of despair I knew I could not do this alone and I cried out to my source of truth and light. I appealed for help and it was given in such a way that I never expected, but in a way which I needed most. I believe in a kind and loving Father in Heaven who wants us to experience joy while we are on this earth, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, through which all healing comes. I challenge you to seek the healing that is yours through a power greater than yourself.