February 29, 2012

More to the Story... by Jac

I have no idea what she was yelling about. There I stood, my six-year-old self, frozen in the doorway. Terrified. Angry. Defiant. I hated when she screamed at me like that. I waited for it to pass. Jaw clenched. Teeth grinding. Fists closed tight against my sides… Her caustic words, thrown like piercing daggers, impaled my heart and soul, yet my mind refused to comprehend them.


Instinctively, I looked up and ducked as I saw a storm of sharp, orange plastic rain drops pelt down around me. The maverick mug had been obliterated, but thankfully, not my head.

In that moment, I silently vowed that I would NEVER be like my mother and constructed an impenetrable wall around my heart. I disconnected myself from any and all emotions that reminded me of her behavior. Consequently, I detached from all the good emotions, too.

I became the enforcer at home. I took responsibility for keeping Mom happy, an impossible task. She worked outside the home and gave us kids jobs to keep the house clean. I always did mine first thing after school. I'd spend the rest of the afternoon trying to force Jon and Cam (and sometimes Jada) to complete their tasks before Mom came home.

My self-imposed mission caused a lot of fighting amongst siblings and usually resulted in me deciding to pull double, triple, or quadruple duty. I thought if the house looked perfect, Mom wouldn't get upset about things. I always blamed myself when it didn't work out. Failed again!

When I was in high school, Mom thought that I should go in for some counseling. I was plagued with lethargy and just wasn't happy.

I wanted help. I was tired of feeling on the dumpy side of even-kill all the time. So I went. It was a joke. How could an educated, trained professional be so blind!? I was crying on the inside, but she saw nothing. She told my mother I was perfectly happy and healthy. 

That's when I realized how fantastic a mask I wore! I had millions of friends, but none of them knew me. All fooled by my jest. What was I to do, but to carry on the charade?

Sometimes we have to go through hell to understand what happiness is. My hell was marriage to an emotionally and verbally abusive man, who thought it was good therapy to yell at his wife, in addition to chucking objects at her. Luckily, he had poor aim.

The relief and peace I felt after leaving such a miserable situation was incredible! I started noticing I could feel light and happy emotions in contrast to the heavy, oppressive ones I was so accustomed to… I felt like something inside me was waking up—I wasn't so numb anymore!

Ever since that experience, I've been on an odyssey to achieve greater and greater happiness. I'm learning to understand the purpose and blessing of opposition in all things. 

Ironically, through it all, I've had my mother to look up to as an example. I watched the transformations as she sought to overcome her depression and bipolar disorder. Truly, it ends with her, because of her staunch faith and unsinkable determination. Her story is incredible and courageous!

Everybody is doing the best they know how with what they have to work with. I'm grateful for the constant hand of God, shaping my life and my character. 

February 27, 2012

Jeri's Story


This is an extremely difficult post to write because I was the awful family secret for 10 long years. When my youngest son, Cameron, was born, I suffered from postpartum depression. Desperate for answers I went to my medical doctor and first was diagnosed with PMS (premenstrual syndrome) then later with depression. The doctor told me I would have to take anti-depressants for the rest of my life. It was a hopeless diagnosis.

I was like a bull in a china closet, trying unsuccessfully to fight my way out and breaking everyone in my path. The mood swings were horrific and frightening, the anxiety attacks were debilitating, I was unable to concentrate, felt disorientated and crazy… nuts… insane! On top of that I was irrational and mean. All I wanted to do was sleep because when sleeping I didn’t have to feel anything—it was my safe place. There were no good days and that was when I was medicated, first on Prozac and then Zoloft.

When my family was in public we would put on our happy faces and pretend we were normal. Heaven forbid if anyone guessed how dysfunctional we were. I worked outside the home and work got the best me. When I came home my husband, Charlie, and our four children would walk on eggshells, fearful of saying or doing something that would set me off. Whenever I experienced a dreadful outburst I would storm to my bedroom to sleep it off—when I awoke I would apologize and let everyone know how sorry I was. It was a vicious, repetitive, never-ending cycle. Charlie tried to get me to go for counseling once… there was no way in “hell” that I was going to go to some shrink and have them tell me I was crazy… NO WAY. No amount of reason could or would ever change my mind.

For some reason, after 10 years I decided I had been medicated long enough and decided to take myself off. I did this cold turkey and without a doctor’s assistance. I do not recommend that anyone ever do this. It was the stupidest and most dangerous thing I have ever done. However, an interesting thing happened; I became painfully aware of my behavior and was literally mortified. I will never forget the day I lost my temper and was appalled by the way I acted. Charlie lovingly told me I was getting better, and that I used to be a lot worse. I cried. I was finally mindful of my husband and children and realized the HELL I had put them through for the past 10 years. The kids were all so little when I got sick... newborn to age 8. A crazy, insane mother was the only thing my boys knew and I could only hope that my girls had a few fond childhood memories. My poor family, what had I done! Suicide became my focus. Someway, however, I found the strength and courage to heal. I will never allow myself to go to that dark place of depression again.

One day I came across an article that explained when a bi-polar individual is prescribed anti-depressants, symptoms become masked, and both depression and the manic state is elevated. I believe that I was, gratefully, misdiagnosed. Had my illness been identified as bi-polar or manic depressive disorder, I probably would have assumed the medical field’s “no cure” diagnosis was the truth.

I no longer believe in “no cure” diagnoses—they leave you feeling downhearted and hopeless. Today the world is at our fingertips and we can Google many illnesses and diseases. As we search for answers to things that plague us, many times we continue to feel disheartened because there seems to be no hope. I am here to tell you, there is hope. Life is meant to be enjoyed. I have a dear 85 year old friend who says, “I am going to live until I die!” She is a wonderful example of living life to the fullest.

I definitely have regrets for what my family went through and I know that after 12 years we are still healing, but thankfully, the awful family secret is out of the closet. I am no longer that insane wife or crazy irrational mother. Manic depression stops here. My children can look at me and see the peace and happiness I enjoy each day. I believe that my experience, as dreadful as it was, happened for a reason. If this post can give just one person the strength and courage to heal, then it was all worth it. May God bless, for he is the source of all light and truth. True healing comes by Him and through Him.

February 24, 2012

Jada's Story

 When it was just Bryan, my two oldest girls and me, we did things the way we were “supposed” to do them.  We faithfully took our girls for their well baby check-ups, got their immunizations on schedule and when they had a sniffle or an earache we would take them in for an anti-biotic.  It was part of our routine. In fact it was so much a part of our routine to go to the doctor, the girls expected their sticker and dum-dum sucker that celebrated their surviving yet another day of minimally invasive medical procedures.
One day I received an invitation in the mail requesting our participation in an anti-biotic resistance study conducted by a University.  I was to bring both of my children to a specific location inside the local Kmart where they would do a quick swab of their nostrils. They each received a gift card to Kmart for their involvement and I received the results of the test about a month later.  To my non-surprise, they both tested to be resistant to antibiotics.  They were 3 and 1 year old…resistant to antibiotics!
I read every bit of information I could get my hands on and learned to wait two days before giving them the anti-biotic. If they were better, no medicine and if they were worse [they NEVER were], I would dutifully administer the medicine.  But, they were never worse! They always got better without it and because they didn’t get the bubble gum flavored yuck, they didn’t get the rash and diarrhea that always accompanied the ten day torture…and it was! Fighting them to take it every time…
Bit by bit, I would find out new home remedies and try that instead of racing to the doctor [whom, I am very grateful for when there is a need].  Our visits to the doctor were cut by more than half! 
I was MISERABLE! Depression, anxiety, constant back pain, stressed to the max miserable. I had my beautiful baby girl #3 and was forced to wean her at 7 months old because I was facing surgery.  I found a lump in my lower back.  The surgeon found more.  He removed six lipomas [non-cancerous fatty tumors], from my lower back, that had grown deep in my muscle tissue.  Recovery was one long month.
Then THE worst sinus infection of my life took hold of me for two months.  It would not go away!  I went to the doctor, who prescribed an anti-biotic. I took it, all of it… and the infection was worse still. I went back and got an even stronger anti-biotic. This one was sure to beat it, but it didn’t.  I was sicker and more run down than ever.  I felt like I was out of options and all I could ask was, “WHY ME?”
By some divine intervention, I talked to a dear friend who said she could help me, but it would be like nothing I had experienced before.  I was in a place of absolute desperation and willing to try anything.
I sat on her couch with my head throbbing from sinus pressure, every muscle in my body aching and tight from stress and anger that I was living this ongoing misery.  Midway through the Zone, I began to experience something new. My body was detoxing at a very rapid rate.  The pressure in my head was draining, my burning lungs were calm, my muscles relaxed and released, and my attitude was changed.  It was as if someone turned something on inside of me that brought me out of the darkness and into the light. 
I knew I had just been given one of the greatest gifts anyone had ever shared with me.  I did not know how the Zone worked, all I knew was it did work and it was nothing short of a series of miracles.  I could not wait to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone who would listen.  I forced encouraged everyone in my family to get Zoned and told my mom “You have to learn how to do this!”
Almost 2 years to day that I found my first lump, I found 5 more lipomas in the same area of my lower back and tailbone.  I quickly scheduled surgery.  I wanted them GONE!  My recovery was quicker this time despite the fact that the surgeon had to cut through two layers of deep fascia to remove them completely.  Even though I was up on my feet much faster, there was a lingering pain in my hip that lasted for 4 months after the surgery.  I ignored it through my dad’s 2 month long stay in the ICU. I didn’t have time for my own pain.
When Dad was home from the hospital, I decided to find out the source of my discomfort and realized it was another tumor!  I was FURIOUS!!  I scheduled an appointment with my family doctor and demanded to know what was wrong with me, why was this happening?  I did not want to face yet another surgery. I told the doctor that these things were literally sucking the life out of me and I wanted a reason….something that would take me to the bottom of the issue. “Could it be my diet?” slipped out of my mouth. Doctor shook his head, “No. I am sorry.  You are just a mystery.  Have you considered that you have clinical depression?” WHAT?!?
I knew at that moment that it was time for me to take my health into my own hands.  I prayed and Googled for answers, to find anything, anyone who could help me.  People were put in my path that provided great sources of information. I signed up for a Family Herbalist course through Dr. Christopher’s School of Natural Healing.  I radically changed my diet, which took me to a whole new level of health and understanding.
Mom and Jac were the first ones to take the Zone Balance Therapy courses in 2009-10.  I went to their graduation and knew that I needed to be a part of that incredible healing energy. I did not want to be left behind and I was finally at a place where I was ready to share the gift that I had been given.  So, I followed in their footsteps and received my certification one year later.
Through this incredible journey, I am evolving into someone I am proud of. I look at my trials very differently and see them as a way to help others on their own journey to awaken to new health, happiness, and balance. I am excited for what the future holds for me, my family, the Zone, and YOU!

February 22, 2012

Jac's Story

I drew the lucky straw, so you get to hear my story first. I'm Jac, graphic designer, licensed massage therapist (cranial sacral therapy and structural work are my true loves in bodywork) and zone balance therapist. 

Interestingly, design is where my journey as a healer began. It all started with a project in a 3D Design class. The assignment had only one guideline: to create a project based on President Clark's first devotional talk. He talked about living a "higher life." The possibilities to create were endless. 

After sketching countless ideas and concepts, none of them strong enough to take root, I awoke one morning with a blessed idea: the meditation tower, a game-based product designed to elevate your thoughts and intentions as you move your block from a lower to higher level (think Jenga).

The concept was solid, but the execution was weak because of time constraints. When my two-semester long BFA (Bachelor of Fine Art) class arrived, I knew my big project had to be refining the design of the meditation tower and to build upon the product line, which I had already named Enso. 

Enso is the japanese word for circle. In Japan, the circle is never closed to symbolize openness and balancealways allowing for more light and truth to enter.

This project proved to be a wondrous blessing as it opened my mind and heart and unlocked new desires and cravings for knowledge, truth and light.

I received my first zone balance therapy session a couple of years later. I was so impressed with it—I immediately knew that I had to learn it. Each time I came home to visit, I made sure I had a zone scheduled. This continued for a couple of years, when suddenly, the intense burning desire to go for my dream of learning the zone consumed me. I was enrolled in class less than two weeks later and had even convinced my mom to do the same. Those classes changed our lives forever!

Subsequently, I found myself enrolled in classes at the Utah College of Massage Therapy because of a similar intense burning desire to continue my education and learn about the functions, movements and structures of the body in more depth. Education is priceless.

That's my story. The journey has been extraordinary. And the most exciting part is that this is only the beginning!

February 20, 2012


We are three zone balance therapists that want to provide a resource that helps people awaken to new knowledge and possibilities. It is meant to be a positive, uplifting blog that points people in the direction of health, whether it be through nutrition or by introducing different modalities we come across.

For our first post, we thought it fitting to introduce you to the mission statement of Enso: Intrinsically Awaken:
"In perfect beingness, to lovingly be healing hands in awakening the intrinsic intelligence within the body through providing zone balance therapy (and other effective modalities) to clients who are ready and willing to heal. First by obtaining appropriate energetic permission, and subsequently listening to, building trust with, and following the spirit/energy throughout the session."

We encourage you to check out the benefits of the zone by clicking on the Zone Balance Therapy tab on this blog. It'll blow your mind!

Also, feel free to send questions, comments, and/or suggestions our way!